Guest Blog: How I Destroyed the Emperor

My wife and I are trying to instill a love of writing in our kids. So, we have a special treat today, a guest blogger, my 8-year-old son Jackson. When I asked him to pen something for the blog, I had no doubt that the theme would involve Star Wars. The saga has been a part of his identity since he was about 18 months old, when I first showed him Episode 1. He sat motionless in my lap for the entire movie. After that it was all over. Following his introduction to the original trilogy, all he wanted to think or talk about was “Dah Bader.”

When he was four I took him over to my parents’ house for a special presentation. I, too, had been a Star Wars junky as a child. Wisely, I kept every shred of merchandise I’d collected over the years. I brought him down to the basement and showed him a large box. He peered inside and looked as if he had found the Holy Grail. Millenium Falcon. X-wing. AT-AT. Cloud Car. Snowspeeder. A Darth Vader carrying case with approximately 50 action figures. Et cetera. For a brief moment, I came to mean more to him than Emperor Palpatine.

Every birthday and Christmas we add to the collection. He has a Darth Vader piggy bank with theme music, sound effects, and lightsaber action. He has blasters. He has five lightsabers. He has costumes. He has the movies in DVD and VHS (while he does enjoy the digital, he’s still a purist – sometimes he likes to go old-school and use the VHS). He has five Star Wars video games for Xbox. Books. Pajamas. Underwear. T-shirts. Notebooks. Posters. Magnets. Christmas tree ornaments. Lego sets. Shoes. You name it.

When he was five, we used to take a metallic balloon and pound the hooey out of it with lightsabers. It was his favorite game. He named it “Lightsaber-Smack-Balloon-Good”.

A couple of months ago, he and I almost got into a fist fight over who is more powerful, General Grievous or Darth Maul. I was trying to tell him that Grievous doesn’t even know the ways of the Force. Like a broken record, he kept replying, “Dooku trained him to use the Force – and he has four lightsabers instead of just the double-bladed that Maul has.” He’s completely delusional.
I’m not sure why, but from the very beginning, he had a soft spot for the Dark Side. Odd for such a sweet, affectionate kid. My wife, Shelby, was a bit troubled by it, thinking he might be headed down the wrong path. As much as we tried, we could not win him back to the Good Side. He’s convinced that the Dark Side is stronger. I suspect he’s right, but he doesn’t know that. Shelby and I still try to impress upon him that good always prevails over evil. He simply doesn’t see it that way. In his opinion, you can’t argue with Force lightning and the Force choke.

Probably nothing conveys a sense of Jackson’s dedication to the Dark Side more than a conversation my parents overheard between him and his cousin, Rylie, a few years back. They were arguing over a toy when Rylie reminded him, “Jackson, life isn’t all about you. Life is about other people.”

Jackson solemnly replied, “No, Rylie. Darth Vader. Life is about Darth Vader.”

So, he’s pretty serious. With that said, I’ll get out of the way and let you read his very first blog entry.


How I Destroyed the Emperor

One day I was playing lego star wars 2 [Xbox]. I was soon at the end of the levels in episode six. I was battling the emperor in that level. at the end the emperor’s last heart was beating. I was being darth vader at that point. I ran after the emperor. when I got to him I got my lightsaber and jumped once into the air and swung my lightsaber for the final blow. pow! then I saw vader kill the emperor. then I saw luke drag vader to the shuttle. then I saw vader die. then I saw luke push vader into the shuttle. then I saw luke pilot the shuttle into space and into endor. the level was completely over.

by Jackson


It comes so naturally to him. Did you notice the plot development towards the end? The onomatopoeia for dramatic effect? The sense of finality woven into the conclusion? The boy is brilliant.

But he’s not our only prodigy. My 6-year-old little girl, Blake, is working on a piece entitled “The Lion Who Ate the Exploding Hotdog”. She’s got a rough outline and I like where she’s going with it. Stay tuned.
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If you enjoyed Jack's blog, click here to get him some exposure over at Humor-Blogs.com. He's gonna be famous.